28.9.11

Foolish - A Very Dark Place Review

As soon as I hit send, I knew it was a mistake. Sufferfest Studios put the call out on Twitter for bloggers keen to preview A Very Dark Place (AVDP) and I jumped, jumped faster than AVDP asks of you- I mean, who doesn't want a free Sufferfest video? When I run, I compose my blogs in my head. When I suffer, I utter profanities and have no glucose in my brain to think up anything intelligent to say. You know, like all the witty bits AVDP bestows upon you, making you chuckle but know, oh *bleep*, that sarcastic Minister of Agony in Singapore just insulted me, better get a move on.

Attempt #1 - What, you mean I suffered more than once? Let me explain. 38 minutes into attempt #1, Mallory is in her room screaming and no longer sleeping.. Yes, clearly we have a very strong mother-daughter bond as she was screaming for the both of us. I didn't think it was fair to the review process that after I settled her back to sleep, and took much longer than the allotted three minute rest, to get back on the bike and finish what I started. I wanted to so bad knowing now that I would have to enter AVDP again tomorrow to restart and complete the suffering. But, after 38 minutes I knew this much about AVDP:
  • The recovery footage is beautiful as always - not suffering as intensely I tend to notice it more.
  • Do not do AVDP if you are still recovering from a leg workout you did Monday. In fact, only do AVDP on well rested legs.
  • Do not attempt to suffer if there is not another adult in the house to tend to your teething toddler.
  • As with any of the Sufferfest videos, you will want to get back on your bike and kick your own ass in AVDP to prove to yourself you are not weak, just a sucker for your crying child.

Attempt #2 - I did it, I got back on the bike for another bout of AVDP. My legs were in *slightly* less agony than the day before and I was *slightly* more optimistic that I could conquer the workout. I was also *slightly* more aware of the suffering to come. If you're *slightly* clueless about what I'm referring to you have two options: A) remain blissfully ignorant of Sufferlandria, its subjects, and our quest to KYA or B) purchase AVDP and get so close to your stem you can lick the sweat off it in hopes of recovering some of the salts you've lost. Here's what I know about AVDP after completing the full workout.
  • There's a part on the cobblestones I think, it was getting pretty foggy at that point so I can't be sure.
  • Your spouse sitting next to you on the couch reading the news is extremely irritating and you might yell at them to get out of your face. Their excuse that they are going for a run later will only irritate your further as a 30 minute run is no where near the suffering happening in AVDP.
  • The intervals will beat your ass, but that's ok, because then you can kick someone else's.
  • If you have any thoughts of being inducted into the royal ranks of Sufferlandria you should attempt the current six videos and not wait for AVDP. This is stupid, also respectable, but mostly stupid.
So, to sum up AVDP. You want this badly. You want to know you're doing something many fear to do. You want to spend the rest of the day in a foggy haze finding ways to recover and be attentive to your child. You want to wonder how on earth you're going to do a 5km road race the next day and post any sort of respectable time. In all honestly, I'm anxiously awaiting November for the full woman video for a real good ass-kicking.

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